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Footnotes To Life

Because sometimes we need them to help us understand…

I have a tendency to break New Year’s resolutions faster than a cat with a Christmas tree ornament. So this year, I decided I’m going to pick five New Year’s resolutions which I will absolutely stick too. I’m so confident, I’ll bet money with anyone willing to take it that these will be properly achieved.

Firstly, I’ll be drunk when the New Year arrives. Probably not hammered, falling over, piss-on-your-friends drunk, just nicely tipsy. I mean, the year’s change at midnight. Part two of this resolution is that I won’t watch the ball drop. Not intentionally, just because I’m easily distracted, lose track of time and can’t find the right channel.

Secondly, I will write 2011 when I mean 2012 sometime in 2012. I’ll probably achieve this one the first time I write a date after the New Year. Check.

Thirdly, I won’t get a DUI on New Year’s eve/day. I’d like to say this is because I’m a responsible adult and don’t drink and drive, but it’s actually because I don’t plan on leaving my house. It’s better that way.

Fourthly (is that a word?), I’ll make it to sleep in my own bed on New Year’s Eve. If you don’t understand that one, please reference the point above.

Fifthly (that’s definitely not a word), I’ll take off my clothes and put on PJs before I get into bed on New Year’s Eve. Getting the gist here?

There. Those are 5 New Year’s Resolutions I definitely won’t break. And don’t say I’m cheating or I’m supposed to challenge myself or any of that bullshit – those are all things I have failed to achieve in the past.

Best of all, I’ll know whether I achieved four of them before I go to bed on New Year’s Eve! I can’t stand too much suspense.


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