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Footnotes To Life

Because sometimes we need them to help us understand…

Lexus bow commercial

Just one example of a little jab from the 1%. Seriously, it doesn't matter how much money you have, the bow will come off when you start moving.

Maybe I’m dating myself, but when I was growing up I don’t remember being asked for money every time I took a deep breath. But this December, if it’s not one person asking for me to open my wallet faster than a hooker opens her legs, it’s someone else. I noticed it the other day, when I was annoyed by the old guy sitting outside Giant, ringing his bell and asking people to give money to the Salvation Army. I was annoyed, and immediately I felt terrible, because it’s actually a good cause.

The problem comes because every 10 seconds from when I wake up to when I go back to bed, someone wants me to buy something or give money to some obscure cause. Frankly, I don’t have enough, and reminding me I can’t afford everything I want to do is just irritating. It’s not that I’m particularly short of cash; there are people in far worse situations than me, but the constant nagging gets to me in a sort of sibling-poking-you-on-a-road-trip type way.

The worst offender, by a margin measured in light years, is Lexus. Look Lexus, there’s a reason no-one else is running commercials where the cars have big bows on them other than you this year. They annoy people. I’m sure all those people who got a nice fat golden parachute to end the year will be looking to drop the equivalent of 80,000 cans of Pepsi on a new car, but most of us are still trying to afford lunch. Please, put them on during shows rich people watch, and let the rest of us do the math on our overdraft statements in peace.

Lexus with bow

At least this one is sitting still...

Also, who is buying their significant other a car for Christmas? I don’t care how much money you’re making, a car is a big purchase and should be treated as such. You, Lexus, are demonstrating the sort of rampant disregard for debt that led the world into this economic maze in the first place. Believe me, if my wife ever bought me a car without discussing it with me first, we’d have a pretty serious conversation on our hands.

Probably the most annoying thing about the commercial though is that it actually works. Every December, luxury car sales rise. In fact, Business Week says it’s one of the best months of the year for luxury car makers. I’ve noticed an increase in Audi, BMW, Infiniti and Mercedes commercials as well, they’re just a little less obnoxious. Actually, the Infiniti ones are quite funny. Anyone who throws snowballs at a BMW driver has my vote. Anyway, I digress.Apparently, while we’re busy looking around for objects to hurl through the TV screen, the one per cent is out there, credit in hand, looking to drop some cash on a shiny, new, luxury gas guzzler.

Since I’m on the subject, here’s another side note for people interested in a Lexus. IT’S A TOYOTA! They just put a new badge on it, because everyone knew that Toyotas were cheap, frugal and smart family cars. You, mister Lexus owner trying to swing his Viagra-enhanced penis up the outside lane of the freeway because you’re so important, are driving a Toyota with leather seats. Seriously, next time buy an Avalon and save yourself the price premium you pay for that stupid looking “L” in a circle.

I’m not really against consumerism per se, but Lexus really has rubbed me the wrong way. I want to completely stamp out consumerism for the holidays. I’m buying gifts and I understand you want my money. That’s okay, I’m not mad about that. Just, please, let’s have some moderation. I don’t want to get upset about the very noble gent from the Salvation Army sitting outside Giant. I just want the holidays to be a little more like they were when I was young; close friends, family, small presents, a little charity and a big urn of mulled wine.

Oh, and when Lexus wasn’t around.

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